Manipulation, Lies, and Forgiveness

Newsletter Article for April 1999

© 1999 by Rev. Paul A. Wolff

This past January, during the midst of the impeachment of President Clinton, I was channel surfing on the TV when I ran across an interview with inspirational speaker/author/guru Tony Robbins. He was being interviewed because of his role in advising the President regarding the scandal and impeachment. I didn’t realize until later the significance of a motivational guru advising a public figure trying to escape the consequences of his actions, so I watched the show with some interest. Robbins is not a Democrat, so his work with Clinton surely came from his general desire to help people succeed at things (which is what led him to his tremendous success) and from his belief that people are basically good.

I remembered that several years ago I had bought Robbins’ book Unlimited Power at a used book store for six dollars. Although I still resent paying ten times what the book was worth (though half the cover price) I picked it up and started to read it. Robbins’ writing style is nearly as engaging and charming as he appears on TV or in his infomercials. The basic idea of his success formula is to use a special technique to convince yourself that you are confident and competent at whatever area of life you want to excel, and then act on it. Robbins focuses on business types (because that is where the money is) but anyone can use his technique for any purpose.

I can’t remember why I bought Robbins’ book but I can tell you why I never read it through. I resent folks who try to motivate me when I don’t wish to be motivated. Perhaps I am too sensitive but to my mind that is manipulation and I resent being manipulated.

Robbins’ technique gets you to convince yourself that you are confident when you would rather be scared, self assured when you don’t know what you are talking about, and driven to succeed no matter what the endeavor. Everyone can agree that this technique would be very useful when you have prepared to make a presentation related to your job, but are simply nervous about presenting it before a potentially critical crowd. However, this technique is fundamentally flawed, and that is where it is dangerous. The flaw is that the basis for your confidence, determination, and drive, is a lie. I can hear the objections already, “what harm is there in telling yourself that you are bold and courageous when your knees are knocking, or convincing yourself that you love coconut when it makes you want to retch?”

The trouble is that by telling yourself a lie in order to accomplish a desired goal you are really training yourself to accept lying as an acceptable method of getting ahead. The more comfortable you are with lying (even if it is only to yourself at first) the more likely you are to make a habit of lying. Before you think that I have misunderstood Tony Robbins’ technique, I should tell you that chapter five of his book is called “The Seven Lies of Success”. But instead of a warning against the pitfalls of a “Success at any Cost” kind of approach, these “Seven Lies” are actually a fundamental basis for Robbins’ motivation technique. He admits that they are “lies” but he says that is not necessarily a bad thing.

Now I don’t intend to bad-mouth Tony Robbins. I can believe that he is a well-intentioned individual, and he truly wishes to help people succeed, and he probably views his tremendous wealth and celebrity as confirmation that he is doing just that. Like I said above, he must believe that people are basically good, and if that is true then honest people can use his technique to great advantage without too much damage.

However, what happens when dishonest, manipulative, sinful people use this technique? A person who is predisposed to lying already could use this technique to convince himself or herself that lying is not bad at all and he or she could become a much more confident, successful liar. Even worse, a person who feels guilt over his sin could use this technique to convince himself or herself that he or she hasn’t really done anything wrong and doesn’t need to confess any sins to God or look to Jesus (or anyone else for that matter) for forgiveness. Then that person not only continues in sin, but also does not receive forgiveness.

If people were basically good then this might not be a bad technique, but all people are sinners. God condemns lying in the eighth commandment (“You shall not give false testimony.”) and to encourage lying is to weaken our ability to distinguish between truth and lies. Perhaps you can tell where I am going with this so I won’t belabor the point, but what does it mean that a motivational guru was advising a man defending himself against charges of harassing one woman, and lying under oath to conceal an affair with another? I can’t help thinking that the nation has been manipulated by someone who told a lie (or two) with such confidence and self assurance that he convinced many influential people that it was true, and got away with something he ought not to have gotten away with.

Obviously I am a strong believer in forgiveness. I confess my sins every day and trust in Christ’s mercy to forgive all my sins. Every worship service I announce the full forgiveness of sins to everyone who confesses to Christ Jesus. Although God has given His church the authority to forgive sins freely, he also gives the church the responsibility to withhold forgiveness where there is no repentance so that the sinner may turn to Christ for forgiveness. That is why Jesus says in John 20:23, “If you forgive anyone his sins they are forgiven, if you do not forgive them they are not forgiven.” Christ doesn’t want us to be capricious or vindictive in our application of forgiveness, but to give it freely to all who look to Christ for forgiveness, and to withhold it where it is not wanted or appreciated.

We ought to beware of manipulation and lies, and be honest in all things, with ourselves and with others. Most of all we need to be honest with God. We might be able to hide our sins from ourselves by any number of questionable techniques, but we can hide nothing from God. But He still loves us and forgives all our sins, so we should honestly confess all our sins to God and trust in Him for forgiveness, strength, and motivation.